Hey the guys over at ChurchPartner.com have got a great idea! They’ve got portion controlled jesus! Woo hoo!! You can get jesus in a box of 100, in individual cups, they’re packaged and sealed for purity. I think that’s the purity of the contents, not your personal purity.
I guess you have to be really careful when taking the body and blood of the lord jeppers creepers. It needs to be portion controlled, because if you have to much of it you might start speaking in tongues or worse singing songs of praise.
I like the fact that its new and improved, it now has a Push Up and Peel Back Tab and what’s more, just in case you didn’t hear the pastor say the magic words, printed on the tab at the top it says “This is my body, which is broken for you: Take, eat: do this in remembrance of me.”
I don’t know how we ever got by. Fuck the environment, fuck the joy of swilling wine from the same cup, fuck the joy of breaking bread together, lets do this on a one on one basis, that way we don’t have to share and everyone gets exactly the same amount of the saviour. I feel so blessed.