fun – Bruce Llama http://www.brucellama.com That's one crazy Llama Mon, 04 Jan 2016 02:22:31 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.5.4 TeamJesus has the power to confuse! http://www.brucellama.com/2011/09/09/teamjesus-has-the-power-to-confuse/ http://www.brucellama.com/2011/09/09/teamjesus-has-the-power-to-confuse/#comments Fri, 09 Sep 2011 04:30:19 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=2258 Twitter is a fun time activity that gives me much joy.

For a little bit I followed #TeamJesus, it has lots of happy followers all saying nice things about their god, I had a question for Jazzie, she describes herself on her Twitter account as:

@JazzieBeee in His will, California
GOD, FAM, & Musiq. everything else falls somewhere after that… breakthrough on my mind. deliverance in my gut. & miracles in my spirit.
So, the conversation went like this:

@JazzieBeee
#TeamJesus Jesus didnt even commit any sins yet He died so sin can be washed away all because He loved you. how do you show love 2 Him?

@brucellama
Why did Jesus need to die for our sins? #TeamJesus

@JazzieBeee
so that we could be forgiven and accepted into heaven

@JazzieBeee
#TeamJesus GOD showed His love for you by sending His only begotten son to die 4 you. how do u show ur love 2 Him? 

@brucellama
If God love us so much why did he put the fruit of the tree of knowledge within reach? #TeamJesus

@JazzieBeee
He gave us a choice. either 2 obey or disobey. GOD created us 2b free hence freedom of choice.

@brucellama
Thanks – but you didn’t answer my question – why did God tempt Eve by making the fruit so easy to reach?

@JazzieBeee
she never ate it until the devil tempted her not GOD. everything is in reach good & bad. its our choice what we grab.

@brucellama
The fruit is pivotal to the story of the fall and the death of Jesus. Why did God put the tree there when he knew she would eat

@JazzieBeee
not she ate it. jus like 2day there is law & its up 2 us whether we choose to abide or disobey

@brucellama
I am trying to understand why a God that knows everything, that loves us so much wouldn’t prevent sin from happening.

@JazzieBeee
God created us 2b free. sin isn’t a must its a choice & even when we chose 2 sin He loved us enough 2 give us a 2nd chance

@JazzieBeee
I don’t question GODs love 4 me or any of us. everything in the Word is truth & I believe in my savior

Everything in the word is truth?   So truth such as killing all the first born males in Egypt or casting demons into pigs or talking donkeys, is all truth to you.

It amazes me that christians remember to breathe.   Perhaps god is squeezing their lungs.

Maybe this tweet from Jazzie will help us understand:

JazzieBeee
#TeamJesus GOD woke you up today because He still has plans 4 u. you still have promise on your life. acheive 2day what u didn’t yesterday

 

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2011/09/09/teamjesus-has-the-power-to-confuse/feed/ 1 Midsumma is here! http://www.brucellama.com/2011/01/22/midsumma-is-here/ Fri, 21 Jan 2011 14:04:49 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=1733 Midsumma crowd

Photo by Michael Barnett - click to see more

It’s that time of the year!  The annual Midsumma carnival is on.

There’s so much to see and do over the couple of weeks.

The love llama and myself got ourselves along to Carnival day, it’s a sort of ritual.  It was a bright sunny day, very bright, and there wasn’t much shade about.  You could tell it was a homosexual event as there where rows of tents devoted to adopting dogs, men holding hands and lesbians fighting on the green.  There were more rainbows on display than Noah ever saw from his ark, and then there was dust.  So much dust, I’ve been spitting dust ever since.

The whole pet industry would collapse overnight if gays were allowed to have children!  I’m sure the dogs really enjoy a day out, in the dust and the sun.  Just about every male couple had a dog on a lead, small dogs, yappy things, while the lesbians had big butch dogs that could bite your head off without blinking.  The dogs no doubt look forward to the outing, bounding around their lounge rooms in excitement, hardly able to contain themselves.

It’s great that Melbourne can put on such an event that is well attended, and the general public passed through Birrarung Marr on their way to and from the tennis, barely even noticing or caring about what was happening around them.

Click here or on the photo above to see the album from Mikey Bear – there’s lots of good photos in there.

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]]> Oh, and wait http://www.brucellama.com/2010/03/09/oh-and-wait/ http://www.brucellama.com/2010/03/09/oh-and-wait/#comments Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:02:12 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=1302 The Love Llama turns.
Be sure to wish him a pleasant turning!

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2010/03/09/oh-and-wait/feed/ 1 Smak dem christians http://www.brucellama.com/2009/12/23/smak-dem-christians/ Wed, 23 Dec 2009 05:45:26 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=1145 What can I say, it’s been a tough year and I’ve heard way to many christmas carols.

Here’s my answer:

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]]> Anal Sex According to the Word of God http://www.brucellama.com/2009/10/22/anal-sex-according-to-the-word-of-god/ http://www.brucellama.com/2009/10/22/anal-sex-according-to-the-word-of-god/#comments Thu, 22 Oct 2009 01:53:09 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=841 Anal Sex According to the Word of God.

I’ve long thought that too many people have had a go at translating and interpreting the bible.  The true meaning was lost hundreds if not thousands of years ago.  The toss pots that consider it to be the inerrant word of their god are living in a false hope that any of it is true.

Then, along comes Sex In Christ, and they have a different take on some of the words of the wholly babble.

“The virgins of Jerusalem have bowed their heads to the ground,” indicating how a virginal maidens should position themselves to receive anal sex.

That’s very clever.
It’s really easy to reinterpret the bible yourself:

“No one is to cum with you or be seen anywhere on the mountain; not even the flocks and herds may graze in front of the mountain.” Exodus 34:2-4

Here god is telling Moses it’s ok to flog your meat, just don’t do it in sight of any one, and make sure the sheep and goats can’t see you.

“The person to be cleansed must wash his clothes, shave off all his hair and bathe with water. Leviticus 14:7-9

God authorises shaving the chest for twinks.  Pity.

I will pelt you with filth, I will treat you with contempt and make you a spectacle. Nahum 3:5-7

Is this the first kinky session in the bible?

Feel free to go and find your best verses and give them their correct interpretation.  Oh, and whatever you do, don’t try to read the lines in context, that’s always confusing and gets in the way of manipulating the bible to mean what you want it to mean.

So if you want to justify a blow job, butt fucking, having a wank, or swallowing the seed, get along and have a read, then you too can be a good little christian sex pot!

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2009/10/22/anal-sex-according-to-the-word-of-god/feed/ 3 Crossing Supervisor http://www.brucellama.com/2009/10/10/crossing-supervisor/ Fri, 09 Oct 2009 21:11:45 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=937 School_crossing_flagsEvery morning he stands at the crossing.  A barrier between the children and their education.

Two children approach, very eager, can’t wait to get to school and present themselves before the school crossing supervisor.  Dressed in his sparkling white coat with his red striped vest with the reflective bands.

“None Shall Pass” he says.
“What?”
“None Shall Pass” he says again in a deeper and louder voice.
“But please, we just want to go to school, you know to learn”
“None Shall Pass” he booms, and as the children reach for the button for the traffic lights, the school crossing supervisor leaps at them swinging his stop sign and cutting their hands from their wrists.

That’ll teach the little shits.

It’s little wonder the little llamas think I’m strange.

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]]> Jesus Loves You http://www.brucellama.com/2009/08/12/jesus-loves-you/ http://www.brucellama.com/2009/08/12/jesus-loves-you/#comments Wed, 12 Aug 2009 02:49:18 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=720 It’s always nice to know that jesus loves me, I’m sure he can see this all the way from heaven.


View Larger Map

So, you can either spend your time creating 9 metre letters in the paddock, or you can go and do something useful with your time – like help people.

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2009/08/12/jesus-loves-you/feed/ 1 Pay as you go http://www.brucellama.com/2009/02/28/pay-as-you-go/ Sat, 28 Feb 2009 04:55:20 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=368 Ryanair considers charging passengers to use toilet.

So Ryanair want to charge its customers to use the dunny on their planes.  Should make for interesting times.  I can just see people taking a dump in the aisle to save a pound.

What next?  Having to pay to watch the inflight movie… having to pay for the headset, having to pay for a snack… oh, wait…..

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]]> Google Searching http://www.brucellama.com/2008/05/14/google-searching/ Wed, 14 May 2008 02:13:33 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=82 My site stats give me lots of useless information, among them are the strings that people search for to reach my site.  It always gives me a bit of a chuckle.

Search results
Have a look at this stuff!  Twice someone search on ‘how much money can some one’s llama make in a year’ – what sort of search is that, and why one earth did you think to click on the link to my site!  What are you going to do with your llama?  Prostitute it, the poor thing.  I also like the fact that when people search for the Sydney show grounds, they click through and see my story on the Dali Lama – who is not a llama.  I’ve had a number of click throughs since the start of the year.

Oh, another one just popped up about an hour ago:

how long does it take for nectarines to go mouldy

I came number 5 in the list of search results.  (This blog entry lead was the result of the search)

Well enough self indulgence…..

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]]> Sleep baby Sleep http://www.brucellama.com/2008/05/12/sleep-baby-sleep/ Mon, 12 May 2008 01:21:16 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=78 This Llama is such a silly llama.

For years I’ve been tired – really really tired.  I though it was because I spent too much time standing in the paddocks looking at the other llama’s.

So, I went to visit the Vet, the Vet said why don’t you just get more sleep.  I was dumbstruck at the simplicity of it all.  So that very night, I went to bed well before midnight.  Wow.  (Its a small step – now just to look after the nose snorting in the middle of the night)

Now when am I gonna get time to watch You tube and read blogs?

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