haiti – Bruce Llama http://www.brucellama.com That's one crazy Llama Mon, 04 Jan 2016 02:22:31 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.5.4 Christians are in with a chance in Haiti http://www.brucellama.com/2012/02/12/christians-are-in-with-a-chance-in-haiti/ http://www.brucellama.com/2012/02/12/christians-are-in-with-a-chance-in-haiti/#comments Sun, 12 Feb 2012 05:48:59 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=2566 [SOURCE]

Haitians realize Voodoo has no real power, turns to Christ

The headline says it all really.  The old christian notion that only they have the truth.  It’s not made clear in the article just how much real power this christ actually has, about the same as voodoo I would have thought.

 Two years after a devastating earthquake killed an estimated 300,000 people in Haiti, Christianity is fast replacing Voodoo in the lives and practices of the people, a missionary has revealed.

Oh yeah, we love it when missionaries reveal shit.  They’re so reliable.  And because they’re christian, we’ll just take their word for it.

It seems that these missionaries rescued a sick mother and new-born from a witch doctor.  The mother had complications after the birth and needed medical treatment.   The witch doctor couldn’t cure the woman, but the christians can, by taking her to a hospital, giving her antibiotics and good care. The woman is now a member of the church.

Praise the fucking lord fuckwit jesus.

No wonder the Haitians are giving up on voodoo – this jesus thing really works!  Never mind that the same complications get sorted out in most hospitals in places like China, Russia, the middle east, you know, where jesus isn’t given a second thought.

If you really want to show just how powerful jesus is then a cure-a-thon is the only way.

Get some sick people, get a witch doctor and a jesus fancier, and without any external assistance, cure the sick.

Bets on who will win?

 

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2012/02/12/christians-are-in-with-a-chance-in-haiti/feed/ 2 Useless god http://www.brucellama.com/2011/04/28/useless-god/ http://www.brucellama.com/2011/04/28/useless-god/#comments Thu, 28 Apr 2011 02:30:53 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=1968 [SOURCE]
Encounter is a program on Radio National – part of the ABC.  It’s a sort of religious program that apparently ‘explores the connections between religion and life’.  This week they did a story on the floods in Central Victoria and as Martyn Scrimshaw a salvation army officer based in Bendigo was talking I was talking back to him:

Sometimes you really have to think about the response.

I’d suggest you’re not thinking about your responses enough.

Floods I think are – droughts and floods are probably a little bit easier, in that we live in a country where we will have droughts, and we will have flooding rains, and when the rain comes it does flood.

Well yes, you’ve got that right.  The response is fairly inane.  The question you really need to ask is why do we have floods and droughts if your god really cares?

And to a certain extent, talking to farmers and things,

You talk to things?

it puts hope in, like they might have lost their crop,

Not only have they lost a crop to flooding, but they’ve had many failed crops because of lack of water.

but the fact is that we needed a flood to fill dams, we needed a flood to fill the lakes and reservoirs, the long-term benefit of that flooding rain will be incredible.

OK, I agree, we need rains.  But really, what’s the point?  Surely your god is clued up enough to understand the devastation his lack of attention to details causes.  Rather than allow ten years of drought and then fill the damns over one weekend, why not give us about 30mm of rain a month, enough to keep everything topped up and prevent flooding.  He could also arrange for the rain to happen about 4.00 a.m. so it causes minimal disruptions.  Once a month we should have a bloody good thunderstorm with lots of thunder and lightning, I like a good thunderstorm.

The farmers can plant now knowing that the soil’s moist enough to plant, without worrying about looking at the sky.

I’ve yet to meet a farmer who doesn’t worry about the rain, just the right amount.  They are always looking at the sky, probably hoping now that they get good follow up rains with no more flooding, and then wondering if they’ll get enough water next season.

We just hope that the winter is fairly kind to us. But that’s the country we live in.

Would that be the country that your god created?  Your bastard god must’ve known that eventually we’d be trying to grow crops to feed the world.  Perhaps it was his day off.

How do we explain earthquakes and tsunamis and things like that? I don’t really know, all I know is that there is still hope.

Hope?  You’re hoping for earthquakes, tsunamis and things like that (are they the same things you talk to?).  If you don’t know how to explain them, then talk to a scientist.  Earthquakes happen when the crust of the earth moves.  It’s in big slabs and the slabs rub against each other as they move, causing shocks.  The shocks stir up the water, the water makes a wave and crashes when it hits the land.  See easy, and no need to wonder if god did it!

And while creation might groan, and nature throws these things at us,

If creation could groan, it’d be groaning about stupid religious types who thinks nature throws things.  Nature doesn’t give a flying fruit bat’s piss about you.

it’s out of that that we see incredible human good, how people support each other, encourage each other, that we haven’t got empty pockets, that we can still reach out.

Really?  Could it be that people just really care for their family and friends, their communities.  Not because of an evil god character, but because that’s how we do it in this society.  When you look at the devastation in Haiti after their earthquake you’ll see what little impact a few floods have actually had.  The people of Haiti now live an even worse existence with roaming gangs and no law.  The reason we handle natural disasters so well is because we have good government, wealth and support systems.

I believe that just shows us the good side that God created.

The good side?  So, your arsehole god also created a bad side that causes the death and destruction just so you can see the good side?  What an arse about system you believe in.

Coming up on Encounter:

The King James Bible – The Translation

Sunday 01 May 2011

First in a two-part series marking the 400th anniversary of the publication of the King James Bible. This week: the story of how six companies of men produced a new translation that has come to be regarded as one of the greatest works in the entire canon of English literature.

Oh, how exciting. I can hardly contain myself…

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2011/04/28/useless-god/feed/ 2 God used the Earthquake to teach them a lesson http://www.brucellama.com/2010/03/15/god-used-the-earthquake-to-teach-them-a-lesson/ Mon, 15 Mar 2010 07:56:01 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=1353 [SOURCE]

Every now and then I read a blog that really sets my teeth on edge.  Bill Muehlenberg Mugbatwallaby has used the Haiti earthquake to claim that it’s all his god’s doing.

His god is an absolute bastard then.  But worse than that, for some person to wipe away the pain and anguish by simply stating that its all for the good of the people is to display the biggest amount of insensitive disrespect for every single one of the 230,000 that died.  To pretend that the event was some how condoned by his god shows just how away with the fairies he really is.  It’s disgusting and makes me think he’s worthy of a trip around the Large Hadron Collider, on the inside.

If God only exists to keep us in a state of happiness and pleasure, then yes, disasters would indicate God’s absence or displeasure.

Oh please.  What does that even mean?

It is certainly possible that the judgment of God was an element of the January quake. We are often not in a position to clearly know these things, at least not as clearly as in the Old Testament when God sent prophets to inform people about his activities in the world.

So, you’re saying that its ‘certainly possible’, leaving a way out if you happen to be wrong?  You know you’re wrong don’t you.  You’re not in a position to clearly know, but that doesn’t stop you spreading your vile words, and why oh why are his god’s people subjected to this violent and sudden death, why the fuck are there no prophets to warn them?  Why do christian arseholes say this crap after the event.  Does Mr Mugbatwallaby stick his tongue out and go ‘na nah, na nah’?

The Confraternite Missionaire Baptiste d’Haiti has said just recently that over 40,000 Haitians have made professions of faith in Jesus Christ since the earthquake occurred.

My understanding is that the Haitians are a deeply superstitious lot.  What’s the bet  they’re just hedging their bets, and it’s too fucking late, the disaster has already been.  Nobody seriously believes that accepting jesus now will save you from the next quake.  What’s the bet that their bastard god does not prevent the rains that are about to fall on the island, causing much more grief, death and suffering.

So God is not finished yet with Haiti. He is still at work there, and we can give thanks that even out of this enormous disaster, some long-term good is occurring, both physically and spiritually.

On one hand you say you can’t clearly know that god is responsible, and on the next hand you say that he hasn’t finished.  Which is it?

Who ever is in charge there needs to kick the christians out.  This level of fairy tale is revolting.  The christians are in there rubbing there sacred beads around their phallic members getting off on how they’re doing gods work.  How they’re saving souls.

It would be so easy for this bastard god to simply change the colour of the sun, change the colour of the water, put snow out on a really hot day, have it rain but stop the water from hitting the ground and running off on unseen gutters.  You know, do something supernatural.  Instead, the fucking christians use a very natural event to invoke their bronze age god and say “look, you’ve pissed him off, you better come and worship him otherswise something really bad will happen”

You arseholes.  They need help, not your stupid fucked religion that makes them feel like it’s their fault.  You have made the victims of this horrible natural event the perpetrators.  This is akin to telling them that the quake is all their fault, “look at the 500,000 people you have killed and injured, its all your fault, you better pull your fingers out and smarten up.”  For some strange reason you appear to be taking delight in the whole tragic situation, you’re happy because now you can proclaim how brilliant jesus is.

I know where the pulled out fingers need to be shoved, better if they were wrapped around something solid, metal and hot.

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]]> Quake in Chile http://www.brucellama.com/2010/03/03/quake-in-chile/ http://www.brucellama.com/2010/03/03/quake-in-chile/#comments Wed, 03 Mar 2010 10:49:39 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=1291 [SOURCE]

You just know that somewhere out there in the world wide web some dumbarse christians are thinking the world is about to end.

It only seems like yesterday that Haiti had a big quake that caused much devastation.  Now the pro-death christians have got boners because another big quake has happened and more death and destruction has visited us.

It’s the end of days they cry!  Two earth quakes, big earth quakes!  It’s the end of days, the seals are being broken!  Satan is lose on the earth!  jesus is coming back!  Repent! Repent!

MedHelp is a site that does medical stuff, seems quite good, but buried in their forums are nutters that think they are about to be taken up to heaven in the great rapture.  Earthquakes are a sure sign.  Never mind that earthquakes happen every day.  They take it as a sign.

People I have been saying all along in all my journals that we are living in the last days. & the bible tells us that b4 Jesus returns that earthquakes would increase in the last days!!

Hopefully it’s your last days.

“God, we don’t always understand why some things happen but we are so glad that you are in control”. Thank you God for giving me and so many others the ability and wisdom to recognize the imminent return of Jesus Christ.

You call this control?  Sounds like he’s slipped up a bit, and why is this any more ‘imminent’ than any natural event in the last 2000 years?

God is still in control of everything that goes on! Trust me he does not want it 2b like this because our God is a loving God! But because of the evilness in mans heart & the sinful nature in it! God has 2 punish earth 4 turning its back on God

Sorry?  In control of everything?  If he doesn’t want it to be like this why doesn’t he try some supernatural event instead of a natural event, then we might take notice, as far as I can tell it’s an earthquake.  If your bastard god really wants to get our attention, why doesn’t he do something spectacular, like replace the sun with a giant glowing cross?  Then we would all pay attention and could avoid the end times.  And what’s the idea with the punishment?  That bastard god disappears for thousands of years, the most we get is visions of jesus on toast, so in the absence of any clear proof he wants to punish us for turning our backs on him.  Just who turned their back on whom?

Have a browse through the forum, its quite laughable.  These nutters are going to bring about the end of the world just from their fucking stupidity.

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2010/03/03/quake-in-chile/feed/ 2 Catholic Bible http://www.brucellama.com/2010/02/20/catholic-bible/ Sat, 20 Feb 2010 02:19:42 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=1250 In case you didn’t know, there’s a catholic bible.  It’s the same babble as the rest of the holy babbles out there (and there’s thousands) and of course, there’s websites.

Over at Catholic Bible in a Year.org you can find out how to read the bible in a year, true dinks.  The catholic version of it that is.

Today’s lesson is predestination.  You know what destination is don’t you – its the place you are aiming for, the final place of your trip and so on.  Pre means before, in this case predestination means that the trip is all sorted out before you get there, and in the case of catholic belief that’s about god having a plan for you.  Neat.

First of all it does not mean that God is in any way arbitrary in his dealings with us or others. Secondly Predestination does not mean that we are not responsible for our own actions before God.

Right, he’s not arbitrary, tell that to the thousands who died in the tsunamis, bushfires and earthquakes.  Anyway, they’re saying that while god has a plan, you can do what you like because god has a plan and while you can’t change the plan (predestination) you are responsible for the actions of the plan.

It means that God’s plan for our lives is not an accident. It does not mean that we are at the mercy of forces that operate at random. Destination means that God’s plan for us was intended from the very beginning — and that he has carefully thought out, in complete detail, all that needs to be done for our Salvation, as well as for our continued spiritual growth.

So, the plan is not an accident, it’s a plan.  We are not at the mercy of forces – i.e. fire, earthquake, giant people drowning waves.  God’s plan was intended… from the beginning… and it’s carefully thought out, in complete detail.

My head hurts.

Look, either we are in control of our own decisions or not.  Either god made a plan, a detailed plan for us, and knows the outcome or he doesn’t.  You can’t have it both ways.

If the plan is already there, then the catholic god is a bastard and he should return to the local TAFE college to do a course in simple time management and planning, because quite honestly, he sucks at it.

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]]> Bibles in Haiti http://www.brucellama.com/2010/01/24/bibles-in-haiti/ http://www.brucellama.com/2010/01/24/bibles-in-haiti/#comments Sun, 24 Jan 2010 00:09:25 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=1206 [SOURCE]

Get this, the group that calls themselves “Faith Comes By Hearing” are sending a bunch of audio bibles, solar powered, into Haiti.

Jesus fucking christ.  What is wrong with you?

Faith Comes By Hearing, an international Audio Bible group, is working with Convoy of Hope to provide spiritual relief in Haiti.

Spiritual relief is a good thing, educate people of the waste of time that god is, give them relief from religion.

…wait on a minute….

do they mean they are going into a disaster area to spread the word of god?  How is that relief?  I’m glad you asked.

Haitians will need that long-term hope and comfort that comes from knowing God has not forgotten them through this tragedy

This is that same god that built the world in the blink of an eye and made sure that the tectonic plates overlapped to allow slippage and cause earthquakes that could kill over 100,000 people in one rumble?  That god arsehole seems to have not thought it through too well.  He can see all of time and knows all that has happened and will happened and yet he still built the world to allow for such disasters so that wankers from Faith By Hearing can arrive in their nice clothes and hand the locals a copy of the holy babble that is solar powered.  So he really hasn’t forgotten about them, the bastard designed the disaster and planned to leave behind children, fathers and mothers.  He let it happen so that they could starve and die a horrible and slow death.  He let it happen so a bunch of useless fucking christians could descend upon the island like pigeon shit on a statue and minister in a useless way that does no good for anyone.

If only they would think.

If only they would do something useful.

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2010/01/24/bibles-in-haiti/feed/ 5 Haiti comment ‘stupid’ http://www.brucellama.com/2010/01/21/haiti-comment-stupid/ Wed, 20 Jan 2010 22:21:41 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=1199 [SOURCE]

Pat Robertson, a man who think god talks to him1, claimed that the Haitian’s made a pact with the devil2. I made mention of it over here

As I have said before, not enough people in authority call these god-lovers out on this wacko concepts – they just seem to get away with saying outlandish unsupported claims, then like a ray of sunshine from heaven, the archangel did descend upon the earth and have a spokesperson from the White house call the remarks stupid.  At last, proof that there is a god!

“It never ceases to amaze, that in times of amazing human suffering, somebody says something that could be so utterly stupid,” Mr Gibbs said.

I bet those are words you’d never hear from the mouth of the god fearing bush administration.  At last, some common sense.

The spokesman also called the remarks ‘completely inappropriate’

Now if we could just call the pope stupid for thinking condoms in Africa3 are bad, if we could just call them on Mary Fucking MacKillop4 curing people of cancer and if we could just call silly and inane the concept of god then the world would be a much better place for llamas… and people.

  1. Pat Roberston told  CBS 60 minutes in 2004 that god told him Bush would get re-elected SOURCE ↩
  2. YouTube video ↩
  3. Condoms and AIDS – my blog ↩
  4. My blogs on Mary Fucking MacKillop ↩

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]]> Where is god? http://www.brucellama.com/2010/01/18/where-is-god/ http://www.brucellama.com/2010/01/18/where-is-god/#comments Mon, 18 Jan 2010 06:31:19 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=1195 [SOURCE]

Things are pretty grim in Haiti.  The body count to date is 70,000 people.  I grieve for the loss of that many fellow humans.  Nobody knows how many are dead, maybe we’ll never know.  I’ve read stories where they say it might be up to 200,000 people.  That’s a lot of people to go at the same time.

And yet… there’s faith.  People still think that god is there watching over them.  They turn to him now and ask him for help.

Your god is an arsehole.

If ever you wanted proof of the non-exisitence of any supernatural forces, here it is.  Nobody deserves to die the way the 70,000 and more have died.  It’s horrible, nasty and unacceptable.  There is no room for god in this story.

Preachers are preaching, getting people to pray.  What the fuck for?  Get your arses in to gear, this is no time to be dilly-dallying in useless pursuits.  People need your help now.  God isn’t going to bring anyone back, god isn’t going to bring you food and water, god doesn’t exisit.

Life is not a disaster. Life is joy! You don’t have food? Nourish yourself with the Lord. You don’t have water? Drink in the spirit.

Like that’s gonna fucking help anyone.  This is a disaster, there is little joy at present.  You’re hungry and thirsty and that same god that you now expect to help you out and bring the life saving miracle is the same one that just snuffed out tens of thousands of lives.

If you haven’t already, give some money to help the relief effort.  Just make sure it isn’t going to some useless toss pots who think that god is going to help.

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2010/01/18/where-is-god/feed/ 2 What to do! http://www.brucellama.com/2010/01/17/what-to-do/ http://www.brucellama.com/2010/01/17/what-to-do/#comments Sun, 17 Jan 2010 09:51:56 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=1186 While Pat Robertson accuses the Haitian’s of making a pact with the devil, and that is the cause of the tragic earth quake (and even goes so far as to call the quake a blessing in disguise)1, the guys over at the Jerusalem post have bigger things to worry about.  Matthew Wanger is worried that jewish law isn’t keeping up with our gadgets.  Did you know that if you lost your arm and had it replaced that these days you can actually control your artificial arm with your thoughts?  I can see straight away what the problem is.  If on the sabbath you want to use your arm to do something, would that be considered work and therefore impossible to do on the day of rest?

So here we have the problems of the world on our door steps, unrest in the middle east, probably 100,000 people dead in Haiti, the environment in some sort of melt down and yet amongst all that there are people worried over the dilemma of whether or not using your artificial arm on the sabbath might be work and therefore prohibited.

Well.  I know what I’d be doing with the finger on my artificial arm!

  1. Watch the AP clip SOURCE ↩

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