The Queen – you know the one, her Maj with the Vag, she’s in town.  I’m moist with excitement.

Suddenly the politicians are falling over each other, trying to touch her private bits that not even Phil is allowed near.  Just how do you treat Her Maj with the Vag?  There’s uproar around the place because our PM didn’t tug her dress to the side while doing a little knee bending.

But today’s special honour goes to Tony ‘the Rabbit’ Abbott, leader of Her Maj with the Vag Opposition.  He made a speech.  He said this, out loud, in front of everyone.

The Crown has been a symbol of stability and continuity because it has adapted to the changing times….because it is a sign that ancient institutions need not be anachronisms.

What was that word?
anachronisms plural of a·nach·ro·nism (Noun)

1. A thing belonging or appropriate to a period other than that in which it exists, esp. a thing that is conspicuously old-fashioned.
2. An act of attributing a custom, event, or object to a period to which it does not belong.

What else might that apply to Rabbit?  Let’s say marriage? So, let’s requote him:

Marriage has been a symbol of stability and continuity because it has adapted to the changing times….because it is a sign that ancient institutions need not be anachronisms.

Great, Tony is all for ensuring that our ancient institutions keep up with modern times, so we can expect his support for marriage equality any moment now.

So, what else did the rabbit have to say?

Your Majesty, Your Royal Highness, Prime Minister, Ladies and Gentlemen.

Strong start, perhaps you could loosen up a bit, so formal, what about “Lizzy, Philly, Julia and the rest of you rabble”

It is indeed an honour to join the Prime Minister with her most eloquent welcome to the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh on their 16th visit to our country.

Was that tongue in cheek Tony?

Your Majesty, while 11 Australian prime ministers and no less than 17 opposition leaders have come and gone, for 60 years you have been a presence in our national story and given the vagaries of public life, I’m confident that this will not be the final tally of the politicians that you have outlasted.

The reason she has outlasted that many real leaders is because nobody votes for her – she’s there coz her daddy was king.

In fact, the Crown is probably the oldest continuing institution in Western civilisation, after the papacy.

Luckily the Queen hasn’t been around for that long.  I don’t think you can give credit to either Her Maj with the Vag or even the German pope for what has come before

The Crown which we inherited in 1788 has evolved as our country has grown.

But the two have never been connected, the crown has changed because England changed, not because of white settlement in far flung Australia

Once, the Crown in Australia was personified by an Englishman representing the British government.

Oh that’s right, our Governor General has a vag just like her Mag.

Today, the Governor-General is always a distinguished Australian who is a representative of the people above and beyond politics.

Oh yes, Peter Hollingworth  and John Kerr are right up there with the most distinguished Australians, above and beyond politics.

The Crown has been a symbol of stability and continuity because it has adapted to the changing times. Australians have rejected some change because they feared that it might not be real progress; but we would welcome other change, such as the proposal to end discrimination against women in the line of succession and to allow marriage to Catholics, because it is a sign that ancient institutions need not be anachronisms.

So suddenly Tony sees some value in women being allowed to be queen, or to allow the defender of the faith of the Church of England be a catholic.  I reckon most Australian’s don’t give a flying fuck. The next step for the monarchy is to abolish it, disburse the funds to the country and only allow elected people into positions of public office, we don’t need the crazy institution that puts anyone above us.

The monarchy is an expression of Burke’s lovely concept of institutions as compacts between those who are living, those who are dead and those who are yet to be born. Previous generations, after all, weren’t wrong about everything. This generation doesn’t have a monopoly on wisdom and insight. We should keep the faith with our forbears just as our descendants should keep faith with us and just as you pledged, your Majesty, on ascending the throne.

Oh right, so we shouldn’t change anything, let’s go back to slavery, treating indigenous people as fauna and hanging people.  Let’s return to the days when we were taxed just to keep the King or Queen in comfort.  I miss the good old days of titles in Australia, when we had Lords and Sirs all around.

Your own life has been an exemplar of the ideals of duty and service that make societies strong and civilisations last.

It’s her job Tony, why would she want to give it up, she’s the bleeding queen and all.

When you observed, after the destruction of the Twin Towers in New York, that “grief is the price we pay for love”, you spoke not for England and not for Australia but for the world.

She did no such thing. She’s just a fucking woman who is immensely rich and somebody else writes her crap.  Sure, she may have empathy, but she doesn’t speak for me, at all.

Although the office is bigger than any individual, the monarchy can indeed wax or wane on the character of incumbents.

Are you suggesting that Charles might not be a good king?

To your Royal Highness, Prince Philip, may I say that you have brought humanity and irreverence to what might otherwise be a stuffy institution.

It’s because he’s the stuffy consort to her Maj with the Vag that we even tolerate his idiotic and rude words.  Anyone else would get the sack.

When introduced to Cate Blanchett as someone who works in movies, you asked her whether she could help to fix the palace DVD. Only locals are allowed to joke about our Cate so that makes you at least an honorary Australian.

This is some attempt at humour?  Perhaps you should get a new speech writer Rabbit – oh, wait, you did it yourself? Honorary Australian – I don’t think we need his type.

 When I read, your Majesty, that this was expected to be your last Australian tour, I was reminded of an interview that Archbishop Mannix did on the occasion of his 96th birthday. At its close, the youthful reporter said that he hoped to do the same interview again next year. “I don’t see why not” said the prelate, “you look healthy enough to me”.

Sucking up to the ladies are you Tony, suggesting that Her Maj with the Vag has a few more years in her yet?

At the close of his best volume of memoirs, Clive James wrote: “as I type this last paragraph, it’s raining in the city of London. Below me in the street, the umbrellas are commiserating with one another. But twelve thousand miles away and ten hours from now, the yachts will be racing on Sydney Harbour under a sky of powdered sapphire on a sea of crushed diamond. The birthplace of the fortunate sends out its invisible waves of recollection. It always does and it always will until the last of us come home”.

Did anyone check your work at all?  You could have saved at least 3 breathes there, thereby reducing the CO₂ in the atmosphere.

Your Majesty, you have taken such obvious pleasure in your visits to this country and that pleasure is amply reciprocated by the Australian people amongst whom you will always be welcome. It is not necessary to live permanently in Australia well and truly to belong here. You are one of us.

Of course it’s a pleasure, although having to suffer through that speech was no doubt one of the low-lights.  She’s on a good wicket, gets to travel the world in luxury, gets to shake hands with poor people and still tuck into a decent meal. I take no pleasure in this woman being here, I don’t welcome her at all.  I’m glad she lives in England, that’s where she should stay.  Just coz her head is on the coins, doesn’t make her one of us.

[ends]

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Tony Abbott was confronted by a man wearing speedos while he was on the campaign trail at the Knox Shopping Centre.  That shows true grit and determination, it’s bloody cold out in Knox.

The photos sort of show poor Tony being shielded from they guy, some burly security guard is keeping him at bay.  Mind you, I don’t know why anyone would want to get too close to the Rabbit, and perhaps he might have felt a bit threatened should the speedo wearing dude be gay.  Or just maybe the Rabbit sneaked a peek when he thought no one was looking, not that it would have been worthwhile, on account on it being so cold and all.

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It was all about making sure that the pollies knew to support christian ideals, you know, keep the poor poor, keep the gays hidden, keep the asylum seekers out, make sure you still open parliament with the lords prayer and other sectarian bullshit.

It was a real love fest, our glorious leaders letting the glorious christian leaders know that they are all on the same side, and fuck anyone that wasn’t christian, because we all know how important jesus and god are to Australia, fuck anyone that doesn’t believe, and fuck anyone who has belief in some other stupid retarded god, this is god we’re talking about, the one who gave his life for us, so the least the self appointed moral guardians of the world can do is ask the important questions of our pollies.

I like An Onymous Lefty’s take on the story, it’s well worth a read:

And everytime somebody criticises George Pell or doesn’t give him what he wants, an angel dies

Here was an ideal opportunity for Krudd and The Rabbit to ask some tough questions of the ‘esteemed’ religious leaders present, they need to ask these questions:

1. What is your church doing to ensure that none of it’s employees have an opportunity to sexual or physically abuse or rape its members?
2. How is your church assisting and compensating those who have been raped by your kiddie fuckers?
3. Has your church ensured that all those suspected or guilty of rape have been investigated by an independent authority, like the Police?
4. How will your church ensure that it truly helps the poor of the nation
5. How will your church continue to fund itself when we remove your tax exempt status?
6. What plans do you have in place to treat all Australians as equals so that gay and lesbian citizens have the same employment rights as other staff

And what about the rest of us. Now that Krudd and The Rabbit have been along to a religious meeting, how about fronting up to something secular, addressing those of us, and there is rather a lot, that have no believe in fanciful tales of an afterlife or supermen flying around the cosmos picking on homosexuals or Greens. What would be the questions we’d ask? How will you pander to our requirements that there be a true separation of church and state? Why must we be subjected to rules and laws created to meet the needs and requirements of the faithful while our needs are set aside?

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I’m not voting for anyone who thinks god is a good idea.

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TONY ABBOTT: Well, just because that’s what a marriage is. I think it’s a definitional question. I’m not saying that there can’t be good and wholesome relationships that aren’t between a man and a woman, but if it’s marriage, it is between a man and a woman.

That’s it.  Just because?   This is the sort of useless ‘debate’ that discussion of marriage descends into.  Tony shows just how stupid the argument against (or for) marriage is.  He has no argument.  His answer to the notion that some of the citizens are treated as second class is to apologise that he is a disappointment.

Coward.

What he really means to say is that he has an unsubstantiated argument, and really he is just trying to keep his vote base happy.  He knows that he hasn’t got a chance of staying in power if he even entertains the notion of equality for all citizens.

So again, recognition that gay people have relationships that are just as valid as anyone else, but still unable to say yes to equality.

What do we have to do to get politicians with some balls in Australia?

I know, lets grab the nuts of some alpacas and sew them on Tony.  Maybe six.  No make it seven.

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Doug Pollard interviewed Tony Abbott on his radio show earlier this week (Joy 94.9).  It was a really good interview, the rabbit seems quite honest in his answers.  Of course the rabbit recently said that he felt threatened by gay people, and that we challenge the natural order of things.¹

So, I guess he decided to front up and talk about his ‘poor choice of words’  with Doug.  He tells us that Cardinal Hell isn’t such a bad bloke, essentially he is forgiven because he’s just doing his job (whatever) and how he has a lot of really close gay friends (so do I, got straight friends too… what’s your point?).

Doug asked him how he felt about couples that end up in aged care and often are the subject of discrimination as they get split up.  They may have spent years together, in a loving relationship, until they get into a home.  Rabbit said that it’s obvious that you don’t want to see people being split up, he thinks it’s obvious that that would be most unfortunate and he says that he wants to see a practice that works for people (he doesn’t say which particular people).  Then he says he has to consider it, how it’s best done in practice before being prescriptive.  he wants to consider how ‘we get the practice right’.  What are you?  Stupid?  You said how obvious it was that they shouldn’t be split up – so it should be obvious to you that you don’t split them up, for fuck sake, what is there to consider?  The feelings of all the other happy couples who are of different sex?  Please.

Doug asks him if he would support federal anti-discrimination law.  The rabbit says he would have to consider it.  The rabbit will support ‘good law’  He says that he’d have to be careful that it didn’t have unintended consequences, I think that’s code for Cardinal Hell wouldn’t like it, so I wouldn’t support it.

Doug covers the whole relationship marriage thing and the rabbit trots out his the normal conservative attitude that marriage is between a man and a woman.  The rabbit talks about the importance of relationships, how they should be celebrated and recognised, he says lots of very nice motherhood statements, but then just can’t bring himself to say that he thinks marriage between gay people is an ok way to do the recognising and celebrating.

Much the same for gay parents, he still has the notion that a child should have a mother and father, but can only say that that’s the best for the child, when in fact he acknowlegdes that gay parents are just as loving and caring as any other parent.

He messes around, makes all the right noises, but ultimately he still thinks that gay people are second class citizens that shouldn’t be discriminated against, it’s ok to remove some, but not all, of that discrimination, but they are still them and not real citizens.

It’s disgusting.

Oh, nice job Doug.

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Tony Abbott is the leader of the opposition.  He’s also stuck in the 50’s.  Not too long back he said that women should treat their virginity as a ‘gift’.¹.  Back in 2004 he said on Lateline that he had not visited Cardinal Pell when he had.².  Tony the Rabbit has also said that paid maternity leave would happen over the government’s dead body ³.  Tony is your classic conservative politician.  He is unashamedly catholic, and makes no apologies for his attitudes.  He’s the first to admit when he’s wrong and has shown the ability to change tact when in his best political interest.

Then he trots out this line on 60 Minutes

LIZ HAYES: Homosexuality? How do you feel about that?
TONY ABBOTT: I’d probably I feel a bit threatened…
LIZ HAYES: I’m not asking if it’s a personal choice of yours.
TONY ABBOTT: ..as so many people.
LIZ HAYES: When you say ‘threatened’?
TONY ABBOTT: Again, Liz, look, it’s a fact of life and I try to treat people as people and not put them in pigeonholes.

How does a gay person threaten you Tony?  When was the last time you were threatened by a bunch of gays?  This attitude is the sort of confusion from our leaders that makes people think it’s ok to deal with the ‘threat’.  It’s the sort of comment that makes a questioning young gay person feel horrible and question their very being.  It’s careless and horrible.  60 Minutes should not have broadcast it and Rabbithead should have kept his mouth shut.

The next thing he says is just as bad:

“There is no doubt that it (homosexuality) challenges, if you like, orthodox notions of the right order of things” Mr Abbott told Lateline.

Right order?  You condescending bastard.  You with your stupid dress wearing bishops, you with your eating the body of jesus, you with your death worshiping religion.  You want to talk about right order.

This man wants to be PM.  That’d be worse than John Howard, Robert Menzies and Margaret Thatcher all wrapped up in the same conservative leader.

Then the comments on the Herald Sun website, there are both sides of the argument there, but still a clear divide.  He’s comments feed the trolls and create divisions.  It’s not ok to say these things about anybody.  It’s not ok to aspire to be the nations leader and say this shit.

I wish I voted Liberal, just so I could not vote for them next time.

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The Leader of the Opposition, Tony Abbott has been talking.  The man shouldn’t open his mouth.

In a nutshell, the man, who seeks advice from Cardinal Hell, tells women they should keep their virginity and treat is as a gift – a gift that should be open like a box of chocolates says my Love Llama.

Abbott was once told to keep ‘your rosary off my ovaries’ and yet, here is the potential Australian Prime Minister dictating moral standings to the populace.

“I think all of us should act in ways that value ourselves. I’m trying not to be prescriptive here, I am trying not to be a preacher, but if someone asks my advice I would say don’t do anything you will live to regret if you can possibly help it.”

Yes, indeed, we should act in a way that values ourselves, so mind your own business, you are being prescriptive in trying to inflict your version of morality on other people who do not follow your rather quaint and Victorian views.  If someone asks your advice the correct response is “What do you think?  You should follow your own values”  It’s pretty easy.

In fairness he was probably only asked about girls – he has three himself, but he makes no mention of the same rules applying for the boys.  So off you go then, wave your willy around and see if there are any girls out there with a gift to give you.  I’m going off now to do a bit of willy waving, but not at girls…. I wonder what he feels about that then.

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