twitter – Bruce Llama http://www.brucellama.com That's one crazy Llama Mon, 04 Jan 2016 02:22:31 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.5.4 Obama brings the end of the World! http://www.brucellama.com/2013/03/23/obama-brings-the-end-of-the-world/ http://www.brucellama.com/2013/03/23/obama-brings-the-end-of-the-world/#comments Sat, 23 Mar 2013 05:08:10 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=3315 [SOURCE]

On the “History Channel” – some cable network in the USA, they’re currently screening a series called “The Bible”.  So, not real history, just some made up shit.

Twitter lit up during a recent screening when the villain of the book, the devil called Satan made an appearance.  Guess what?  The devil is black and he looks like President Obama.

thedevil

The Executive Producers of “The Bible” were quick to say that that was not their intention.  Of course, christian fuckwits couldn’t help themselves:

It made #thebible a trending twitter topic for a while.  Something that didn’t escape the attention of Sacerdotus

Simply wetting himself with excitement.  He of course ignores the hashtag #godisnotgreat that had to be removed from trending when Christopher Hitchens died.  Seems some religious nut jobs were threatening violence.  How civilised of them.

However, as with his life, controversy followed Hitchens into death. The hash tag #GodIsNotGreat also began trending, which was followed by a storm of protests by the religious, many unaware that the hash tag was a tribute to the author’s passing.

But the real joy of the story about “The Bible” comes from Rick Wiles – American douchebag christian.  At first, when I read this, I thought it was a joke.  But go listen, he’s serious.

 I don’t believe they intentionally portrayed the Lucifer character to look like Mr. Obama. I think God guided the hand of the makeup artist and blinded the eyes of everybody on the movie set while it was being recorded, and the spiritual blinders were removed Sunday night when the program was broadcast nationally on the History Channel. How many clues do we need from Heaven to understand that the man in the White House is a devil from Hell?

Just to really drive home this point.  This christian fundamentalist is actually saying that the President of the United States is really Satan.  Now, that’s Satan, the most evil character in the christian belief system.  He’s going to torture sinners for all eternity.  Fancy comparing someone who you don’t politically agree with to the devil.  How rude.  This man elected to President was elected by the people, so now all those who voted for him must also be evil, or perhaps this god character had blinded their eyes too?

Wouldn’t it be simpler for this god thing to be a little more direct?  You know, make the President all red, give him some horns and a tail.  While he’s in Israel, that’d be perfect.  It would get the world’s attention.

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2013/03/23/obama-brings-the-end-of-the-world/feed/ 3 Twisted Christian http://www.brucellama.com/2011/11/16/twisted-christian/ Tue, 15 Nov 2011 22:00:51 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=2380 As evidenced in previous blogs, I enjoy Twitter.

@apiyor is one crazy Twitter user, somewhere in Africa.  I’ve followed him for years as he’s got a very strange outlook and tweets some bat shit crazy things.  In fact, over there on the right, all his latest tweets appear in a box.  He’s so much fun!

He tweeted this recently:

Later he came himself to save us as a human. God became a man, and he was in AFRICA for protection from herod.

Now Herod was really pissed off1 that this new jewish king was about, so he planned to kill the child.  However, when the wise men didn’t return to tell him where jesus was he got really angry.

It seems that god told the wise men to return to their homes another way, thereby not going past Herod.  I would think that if god told you not to tell a living person where jesus was, you’d probably agree.

Herod in response went on to kill every child under two, just to be sure there was no competition to his throne.  Luckily god also told Mary and Joseph to fuck off to Egypt, so they missed the slaughter.

So, here you have a god who is apparently Master of The Universe, the same god that most christians think hates abortion, killing off a whole generation without a second thought.

God could easily have simply killed Herod.  He could have had the wise men give a false address.  He could have made sure that the wise men never saw Herod in the first place.  He could have ensure jesus was born in Washington DC.  But no, the way that this all loving god, the one that loves little children, decides to handle this is to simply kill lots of young people.

I just love the way he spins around his own ideas and changes things on the fly. He’s one very twisted person.

@apiyor’s first tweet: Later he came himself to save us as a human. God became a man, and he was in AFRICA for protection from herod.

@brucellama’s first tweet: @apiyor A protection that cost the lives of first borns that Herod had killed.

@brucellama Yep, foolish herod didnt know those babies went to heaven, they could have grown atheist and ended up in hell lol!

@apiyor So you think killing innocent children is ok then?

@brucellama You die when and by whatever method God has set for you, either abortion or old age, accident, sickness, murder, war,hunger etc

@apiyor It’s a really easy question – do you think it’s ok to kill innocent children? Is there a reason you can’t give a direct answer?

@brucellama First God didnt approve of murdering babies, but lucky babies did escape HELL AND LAKE OF FIRE.

@apiyor but you said you die when and wherever god chose – so he did approve their death by murder?

@brucellama You should brush up on your english. APOINT and APPROVE are TWO very different words.

@apiyor so god did appoint a time for the babies to die by murder?

@brucellama Wrong! God appoints how long you gona live and how when why you gona die.

@apiyor So god did decided to kill innocent children at the hands of Herod? You agree with that.

@brucellama mmh NO! the Manufacturer decided to call back his manufactureds by a defective manufactured Lol(Lord of lords).

@apiyor he recalled the manfactureds by letting Herod kill them – innocent children killed for no reason by your god and you think its funny

@brucellama You fail at logic, Death of the body is more or less like sleep, but God is incharge of putting ALL humans to sleep get it?

@apiyor so, god put innocent babys to sleep and you still think that’s ok as god decided when to kill you

@brucellama God is the manufacturer, now, if you decide to harm another human he will judge you, Otherwise he would declare you innocent..

@apiyor I can’t kill another person unless god had decided its time for them to die. In that way I would be doing gods will – so innocent

@brucellama God set laws that makes your life shorten as you harm others. sow and reap.

@apiyor I can’t shorten anyones life you told me god decides when people are born and die

@brucellama But the method God had decided for them to die should leave you innocent but since you r the killer, you are guilty

@brucellama True you cant, but you raise a finger at another human, you are held responsible since he gave you #free #will.

@apiyor How is it free will if god already knows I’m going to kill because god decided its time for that baby to die now

@brucellama Do you have a better idea, essentially you are saying that God should make murder impossible, but if murder was to be impossible

@brucellama Somebody will say the same for LIES,STEALS,FORNICATION.

@brucellama If you were driving and somebody jumps onto your way and dies you will be innocent eventhough you killed him.

@brucellama If you were driving and somebody jumps onto your way you had no MOTIVE to kill him,

@apiyor this is about killing children – your god planned for innocent children to die at the hands of Herod – you think this is ok

@brucellama If you were driving and targeting some bystander and run him over killing him, YOU ARE GUILTY of murder. again #MOTIVE #intent

@apiyor but still its you who said god chose when that person will die so he knew I would kill them – not my fault

@brucellama Herod felt threatened and decided to murder kids, that MOTIVE made him GUILTY.

@apiyor but according to you he can’t kill them unless god had picked that to be the moment of their death

@brucellama you are slow one, Not he cant kill them but they cant die until God says so. But whoever is motivated to kill is still guilty..

@apiyor so god say yes to letting innocent children die. It was easy for god to not allow Herod to kill them. Your god is a child killer

@brucellama ..So even if you fail to kill but you had #motive, intent, aspiration TO HARM, you are still just as guilty.

@apiyor That’s crazy. You are not guilty of a crime you only thought about. But this is about your god being a child killer

@brucellama ..So even if you kill (EG ACCIDENTS) but you had NO #motive, intent, aspiration TO HARM, you are AS INNOCENT AS A DOVE Lol!.

@apiyor What about your god his intention to kill innocent children by Herod. By your standards god should burn in HELL AND LAKE OF FIRE

@brucellama Lol! Do you think God wil meet you at the human court? He reads intents, motives and thoughts and deems you guilty or innocent.

@apiyor There is no god to meet me anywhere. But you think its ok for your god to be a child killer

@brucellama Who can take God for killing what he makes, or for making it crooked or straight, its his, everything is his.

@apiyor so if you make children it’s ok for you to kill them? you agree that your god is a child killer

@brucellama He will kill everybody even you Lol! and judge them, the righteous will go to heaven the evil to the LAKE OF FIRE.

@brucellama What, you have forgotten already? goldfish lol! INTENT, MOTIVE to kill the baby in the womb makes you guilty

@brucellama What, you have forgotten already? goldfish lol! INTENT, MOTIVE to kill the baby in the test tube makes you guilty. embryonic SR

@apiyor if it’s ok for god to kill 1000’s of babies in Judea its ok for us to abort foetuses. Makes sense. No guilt

apiyor so your god decides when people die, if you help him you get judged and burned. Your god is a bastard

@brucellama I guess, only God can make a human and only him should call him back lol, thats why abortion is murder,

@apiyor why is abortion murder? God already knows and directs when the foetus will be aborted – he calls them home. Nobody is guilty

And that’s it, he gave up on me.  Oh well, til the next time you twisted fuck.

 

  1. Read about it in the bible ↩

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]]> TeamJesus has the power to confuse! http://www.brucellama.com/2011/09/09/teamjesus-has-the-power-to-confuse/ http://www.brucellama.com/2011/09/09/teamjesus-has-the-power-to-confuse/#comments Fri, 09 Sep 2011 04:30:19 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=2258 Twitter is a fun time activity that gives me much joy.

For a little bit I followed #TeamJesus, it has lots of happy followers all saying nice things about their god, I had a question for Jazzie, she describes herself on her Twitter account as:

@JazzieBeee in His will, California
GOD, FAM, & Musiq. everything else falls somewhere after that… breakthrough on my mind. deliverance in my gut. & miracles in my spirit.
So, the conversation went like this:

@JazzieBeee
#TeamJesus Jesus didnt even commit any sins yet He died so sin can be washed away all because He loved you. how do you show love 2 Him?

@brucellama
Why did Jesus need to die for our sins? #TeamJesus

@JazzieBeee
so that we could be forgiven and accepted into heaven

@JazzieBeee
#TeamJesus GOD showed His love for you by sending His only begotten son to die 4 you. how do u show ur love 2 Him? 

@brucellama
If God love us so much why did he put the fruit of the tree of knowledge within reach? #TeamJesus

@JazzieBeee
He gave us a choice. either 2 obey or disobey. GOD created us 2b free hence freedom of choice.

@brucellama
Thanks – but you didn’t answer my question – why did God tempt Eve by making the fruit so easy to reach?

@JazzieBeee
she never ate it until the devil tempted her not GOD. everything is in reach good & bad. its our choice what we grab.

@brucellama
The fruit is pivotal to the story of the fall and the death of Jesus. Why did God put the tree there when he knew she would eat

@JazzieBeee
not she ate it. jus like 2day there is law & its up 2 us whether we choose to abide or disobey

@brucellama
I am trying to understand why a God that knows everything, that loves us so much wouldn’t prevent sin from happening.

@JazzieBeee
God created us 2b free. sin isn’t a must its a choice & even when we chose 2 sin He loved us enough 2 give us a 2nd chance

@JazzieBeee
I don’t question GODs love 4 me or any of us. everything in the Word is truth & I believe in my savior

Everything in the word is truth?   So truth such as killing all the first born males in Egypt or casting demons into pigs or talking donkeys, is all truth to you.

It amazes me that christians remember to breathe.   Perhaps god is squeezing their lungs.

Maybe this tweet from Jazzie will help us understand:

JazzieBeee
#TeamJesus GOD woke you up today because He still has plans 4 u. you still have promise on your life. acheive 2day what u didn’t yesterday

 

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2011/09/09/teamjesus-has-the-power-to-confuse/feed/ 1 A Blessing! Pope and Social Networking http://www.brucellama.com/2011/01/25/a-blessing-pope-and-social-networking/ Tue, 25 Jan 2011 12:55:53 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=1770 [SOURCE]

Pope Bendydick has raised his hand and sent his blessing to social networks.

The religious leader gave the blessing in honor of World Day of Social Communications on Monday, saying it created “a great opportunity” for users and encouraged social network users to adopt a “Christian-style presence” online.

Oh, do you think it’s too late for me to have a christian-style presence online? Whatever that means.

He also warned against using social networks as a way to draw attention to oneself.

Um, excuse me, I rather like all the attention, it’s not always about you Bendydick.

Oh, and he doesn’t use a computer or social networking either, why am I not surprised.

So, now we have a blessing from god’s own representative on earth I want you all to go out on the internets and spread the good news that even god loves Facebook and Twitter.

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]]> We’re all really excited http://www.brucellama.com/2010/02/21/were-all-really-excited/ Sun, 21 Feb 2010 04:54:25 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=1265 Mary Fucking MacKillop (MFM).  Who the hell was she?  There’s plenty of information on the web, but in a nut shell, born 1842 in Melbourne.  Dead 1909 in Sydney.  In the time in between she was busy setting up catholic schools and helping the down and out.  Sounds like a very noble pursuit, I’m sure worthy of being called an Australian Pioneer.  Curing cancer?  Please.  How rude is that.  Here we have this person who did lots of great things while alive and now we are expected to believe that in her death MFM did even greater things like curing cancer and leukemia.  One each.  There are thousands of people dying from cancer every year in Australia and in death MFM can only get two fixed up.  It is these miracles that we are told proves she’s worthy of sainthood.  Like some stupid dumbarsed medieval flock, we are expected to believe this trash from the catholics1.

Its stupid. Not just a little bit stupid either, this is really really really stupid times infinity.

The twitterverse is alive with lots of interesting tweets.  I’ve stuck some of them over there on the right (cast your eyes right) there’s some very funny people around!

It’s just irresponsible for the church to continue to propagate this stupid belief that dead people cure life threatening illness.  People need good medical treatment, they need to know that medical science will do all it can for them, they don’t need to have some vague stupid notion that whipping out your rosary beads and praying for a cure will actually work.

While the politicians and clergy fall over each other saying how great all this is, and the media continues to talk about the ‘miracles’ nobody is stepping up to say that it’s the biggest load of hogwash and that the church should pull it’s head in and stop pretending that the ‘cures’ come from MFM, who is without a doubt dead.

  1. Cardinal Hell when asked if prayer can cure cancer said “Yes, obviously” SOURCE ↩

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]]> Thank U god – revisted http://www.brucellama.com/2009/10/20/thank-u-god-revisted/ http://www.brucellama.com/2009/10/20/thank-u-god-revisted/#comments Tue, 20 Oct 2009 04:43:36 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=984 I made mention of twitter and the hash tag #thankugod back here.  I even added regular twitter updates in by side bar over to the right, just because I think it’s really funny that people use twitter to thank god for stuff.  I wasn’t even aware that god had a twitter account, but apparently he reads it, and true to form the dirty rotten bastard doesn’t ever tweet himself… so rude.

The faithful are so… well faithful.  They get up in the morning, switch their computers on or grab their phones and send a tweet:

10Deroni Gd Mornin 2 u!Gd mornin 2 u! #ThankuGod 4 wakin me up & startin me on my way! & also providin me w/everything needed 2 make it through!I♥U!!

It’s nice to see god is up and about early, just like your mother getting breakfast read to start you on your way.

The thing that gets me though, is the pure arrogance of the flock.  (baaa)  They think that their god is wrapped up in their daily lives and does so much for them.  They give credit, praise and thanks to the silent god that so carefully plans and looks after their lives.  He must be so busy doing that the he doesn’t have time to visit Pakistan or Dafur or Samoa.  God has time for this:

Bel1961 #thankUGod for the miracles (BIG and small) in our lives, Praise Your Mighty NAME !!!

Which I’m sure makes him feel wonderful, he’s so busy taking all the praise that he doesn’t have time for the 61 year old who got hit in the head with a baseball bat at McDoanlds.  [SOURCE], he wasn’t so busy when a baby’s pram rolled in front of a train, the baby survived with a bump to the head. [SOURCE]  Thank U god!  Wait a minute, why didn’t god just put the brake on the pram?  Why didn’t god make sure the woman put on no slip jeans that day?  Why didn’t god make the train late, or cancelled – happens every day?  Miracle my arse.

The tweets:

drneva Good is soooo good!!! 6month old baby survives being hit by a train…

Yeah, right. good, he saves this baby and kills millions of others

JohnPiper If this baby had been crushed the world would cry, “Where is God?” Will they see his hand under this train?

Where was god a few seconds before.  Why didn’t he make the mother keep her hands on the pram?  Bastard.

ovamovies Just watched the footage of the the baby falling onto the train tracks them being run over and being fine. Now try saying there is no God!

There is no god – you idiot.

jimfromstpete Baby Survives After Being Hit By Train! What a Mighty God…

So mighty he has time to save a baby in Australia, but lets other perish.

deantwan Baby survives after falling on train tracks (unbelievable video showing the sovereignty of God)

Tosser – if god was so fucking good he would have stopped the train!

landrushnow – Baby Survives After Being Hit By Train! Miracle of God!

No miracle, just the way the pram rolls.

Lynettaa Check this video out – Super Baby Survives Falling Under Train  Our God is AWESOME!!!

So awesome he’d sooner let children starve or die from disease because he’s busy saving babies from trains.

haleysings Praise God for His mercies.

Yeah, the last thing we need is the woman’s jeans falling down.

But the ultimate in the #thankugod stakes is the selfishness of the whole thing.  Sure sometimes a nice little christian will thank god for their mum or dad, or for saving the baby in the pram on the other side of the world, but mostly they thank god for selfish reasons.

kwc2008 #THANKGOD literally that I get paid Friday & that school is goin good & that me & my family are well. Life COULD be better BUT NOT much! HA

God determines pay days?  I thought you had to wait till you got to heaven for that.

Jay_89 I #thankgod that even though I’m a #brokecollegestudent I never go without a meal, clothes etc

You do porn to get by?

DARANGE95 #thankgod 4 let me survive anotha day #amen

But are the rest of us thankful? Maybe we think your god should have taken you.

iamTEE_WIFEY #thankgod for waking me up this morning! I will be in church next sunday nd thats ah promise!!!

Is that a bribe?

sTuCkonLIFE #THANKGOD FOR GOOOOOOD SEX

At last – that I can understand.  And here I was thinking the Love Llama was just really hot.

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2009/10/20/thank-u-god-revisted/feed/ 5 Thank U god http://www.brucellama.com/2009/09/22/thank-u-god/ http://www.brucellama.com/2009/09/22/thank-u-god/#comments Tue, 22 Sep 2009 12:57:40 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=908 Twitter is a wonderful thing.  You can find out all sorts of information.

There are always trending topics – a subject that a number of people are tweeting about.  I like today’s it was called #thankugod. There were about 100 messages a minute coming in thick and fast.

I followed it for much of the day and was laughing at some of the things that god gets thanked for.

Just now, as I’m writing this blog, the Americans are waking up.  The christian Americans reach for their computer or mobile phone and send a tweet – it says something like:

#thankuGod for waking me up this morning

Hundreds of these messages.  Those guys have jesus bad.

Of course, I could let the chance pass me by – I had to send some of my own tweets:

#thankugod for toilet paper – imagine a world without it.
#thankugod for the rich catholic church – jesus can get on and help the poor people now
#thankugod for lions, tigers, snakes and other things that control the population – can we have some more please? In the churches perhaps?
#thankugod for nits, fleas, mosquitoes and rats – great way to spread disease – you’re so clever
#thankugod for all priests who sexually assault the faithful – nice work jesus you prick
#thankugod for the 1400+ people that died in Hurricane Katrina In New Orleans – soggy souls for jesus.
#thankugod fo the total number of undernourished people in the world it reached 963 million in 2008
#thankugod for paying the Qantas CEO $11mil -that helps the poor http://bit.ly/eXlhC
#thankugod Let’s thank god for killing over 130 people in the Victorian Bushfires 2009 -BBQ the souls jesus
#thankugod Let’s thank him for killing over 200,00 people in the 2004 tsunami. Real decent of you god.

Check out the latest thanks to the lord here.

I can just see jesus sitting on the toilet trying to catch up with his overnight tweets.  Oh, maybe that’s just me.

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2009/09/22/thank-u-god/feed/ 4 Faking followers on Twitter http://www.brucellama.com/2009/07/08/faking-followers-on-twitter/ http://www.brucellama.com/2009/07/08/faking-followers-on-twitter/#comments Tue, 07 Jul 2009 15:14:39 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=629 Kyle and Jackie O accused of faking followers on Twitter.

It would seem that two of Australia’s radio ‘stars’ have been accused of faking accounts on Twitter to boost their numbers.  It would seem that Kyle has threatened to sue.

So fucking what.

The world has a food crisis, our economy is in melt down, the air is thick with smog, the water has stopped falling here but falls by the bucket full in other unexpected places, and what are you doing?

Get a grip – I mean really.  Tossers.

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]]> http://www.brucellama.com/2009/07/08/faking-followers-on-twitter/feed/ 1 Bruce Does Pod -3 http://www.brucellama.com/2008/10/26/bruce-does-pod-3/ Sun, 26 Oct 2008 01:51:27 +0000 http://www.brucellama.com/?p=215 http://www.brucellama.com/wp-content/uploads/podcasts/brucellamapodcast3.mp3
Download in OGG format (right click and save)

In my 3rd podcast I talk about the current stock market crisis, look at twitter and George entertains us with his view on a couple of websites.

Links:
Twitter
Ugly People
Men who look like old lesbians
Jake Stone

Creative Commons License
Bruce Llama Podcasts by Bruce Llama is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.5 Australia License.

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